on a mote of dust suspended in a sunbeam

“Look again at that dot. That's here. That's home. That's us. On it everyone you love, everyone you know, everyone you ever heard of, every human being who ever was, lived out their lives. The aggregate of our joy and suffering, thousands of confident religions, ideologies, and economic doctrines, every hunter and forager, every hero and coward, every creator and destroyer of civilization, every king and peasant, every young couple in love, every mother and father, hopeful child, inventor and explorer, every teacher of morals, every corrupt politician, every "superstar," every "supreme leader," every saint and sinner in the history of our species lived there-on a mote of dust suspended in a sunbeam.

The Earth is a very small stage in a vast cosmic arena. Think of the endless cruelties visited by the inhabitants of one corner of this pixel on the scarcely distinguishable inhabitants of some other corner, how frequent their misunderstandings, how eager they are to kill one another, how fervent their hatreds. Think of the rivers of blood spilled by all those generals and emperors so that, in glory and triumph, they could become the momentary masters of a fraction of a dot.

Our posturings, our imagined self-importance, the delusion that we have some privileged position in the Universe, are challenged by this point of pale light. Our planet is a lonely speck in the great enveloping cosmic dark. In our obscurity, in all this vastness, there is no hint that help will come from elsewhere to save us from ourselves.

The Earth is the only world known so far to harbor life. There is nowhere else, at least in the near future, to which our species could migrate. Visit, yes. Settle, not yet. Like it or not, for the moment the Earth is where we make our stand.

It has been said that astronomy is a humbling and character-building experience. There is perhaps no better demonstration of the folly of human conceits than this distant image of our tiny world. To me, it underscores our responsibility to deal more kindly with one another, and to preserve and cherish the pale blue dot, the only home we've ever known.” 

-Carl Sagan, Pale Blue Dot

the nature of

"mae, you think too much."

a few of my friends have said this to me recently, and guess what? they're all of the male species! are men really that simple? i mean, yes, i already know that they don't over-analyze the way women do. and they probably don't think much about details. as far as i know, a guy only thinks about what he should have for dinner (while scratching his balls). oh, and sex. one friend told me to STOP IT! the other said there was nothing wrong with it, that i was only looking out for myself while being considerate to others.

i'm going to quiet the mind now.

infinitely impermanent

it's 7:13 pm on nov 11 and you know what i'm thinking about? you know what just hit me so hard that not even my belief in it this whole time could have prepared me for its weight? it's that nothing is permanent. you thought it was something grave, didn't ya?

in this case, it's the people, the friends, the lovers... the thoughts you shared, the feelings you expressed, the words exchanged, the memories you made... perhaps the kisses, the touching... in a mere second, it disappears. gone, like none of it really happened, like none of it really mattered.

is it sad that this is the thought that occurs in my head when i'm being introduced to people? or this is what i'm thinking about the new friends i've made? what's the point of telling each other about ourselves or sharing experiences or stories...? because at the end of the day, none of it will really matter. friends become distant. lovers come and go. people appear and disappear... it's almost like i expect it.

granted i'm not great at keeping in touch, i've known and understood this at a young age to be a part of life, that this is the way it's supposed to be. i can only wish, though, that there was someone, or something, to be there until our last seconds on earth together...

still, here

i swear, i'm trying to get back into my groove. been going through transitions that have made me neglectful of some things, like this blog. i have many photos to post of monterey and the surrounding area, and of trips i took when i first moved to the bay area. they are sitting in my hard drive itching to be exposed.

i've got some things to take care of between now and a couple of months from now, but i've also been thinking about all of the things i've been wanting to share. so, if i have no photos for now, i hope you won't mind words...

oh,

this email i got from The Universe yesterday. so apropos...
everything is where it's supposed to be, how it's supposed to be...

"Mae, the perfection of your every "issue" is beyond human comprehension. Don't be fooled. You've made no mistakes. The territory behind you and the challenges at hand were precisely crafted to deliver the wisdom and insights that'll make possible the most joyful time of your life, so far. 

You didn't come here to face hurdle after hurdle after hurdle. It's not as if by mastering your issues today, more issues will be added tomorrow. That only happens when you deny them today. Master your issues, today, and be free. 

Get through what you must get through, today. Understand what troubles you, today. Do what you can, today. And all the rest will be made easy. 

So little can yield so much. A new perspective, an admission, a surrender to truth - however painful - changes everything. 

You are so deserving of everything you now want... 
    The Universe "

how august tried to run me over and leave me for critters to munch on!

oh, but no! when life presents you with challenges that suck the life out of you, some people fight, some people run away. for me, it's neither fight nor flight. it's fight, then flight. when you've given your all for the things worth fighting for and realize at some point that it can't be won, then you must accept the circumstances. it's not surrendering, giving up, or waving a white flag. essentially, it's realizing that what you've got left in you is not worth giving anymore to what will never amount to anything. i definitely could have fought more, but it just wasn't worth it. self-preservation, you know? why waste energy on something that will only have negative outcomes? and on the bright side, i believe things happen for reasons. usually, negative situations result in positives. that's the only way to think about challenging situations if one really wants to move past them.

juillet, ou as tu?!

where did july go?! seriously, like a blur, like being on the edge of tipsy and drunk, but still coherent enough to keep your shit together...

ah, so many things happened last month, but i tackled, and am still tackling. i always think that for every good thing that happens, something disappointing or difficult must come with it. balance, you know? a friend said that these things come in threes. i'm being patient with the more difficult hurdles, but i'm definitely grateful for all the great people that i've crossed paths with and the good things that have come my way. i'm surprised that i've not broke down and cried, or crawled to the top of a mountain and just. let. it. out. spiritual, emotional, mental cleansing coming soon, yet to be determined. when things settle. when things settle. just a deep breath and taking some time in between for clarity have helped ease these crazy moments. oh, and having the support of friends, new and old, near and far, have helped tons.

if these things in life never presented themselves, i don't think i'd realize how resilient i was, or even, we are. each time, bigger, better, stronger.