create space

i think i deleted a post about getting back into yoga. i'm a month back into it and i started feeling the difference after a week. the body's muscle memory is incredible to me. yoga is harder to spring back from compared to running as far as my body and mind are concerned. you go through the first few days of soreness, but i don't think i get it as bad with running as i do with yoga. with running, i attain a healthy shape. it keeps the bad weight off, puts on muscle, and tests my endurance. it is the ultimate exercise for my body and mind type and none other works better for me on an overall level. yoga, on the other hand, doesn't keep the bad weight off as good as running does. however, it does tone my muscles, and is something i need to calm myself from the constant "pounding" of running. it helps that "gentle" part of you to be explored and exposed. it's all about balance, you know? and this kind of balance is what works for me. in yoga, when those muscles start to get loose and flexible again, it feels really great. like really, really great. my favorite yoga poses are hip-openers, inversions, and arm balances. i get really excited when the teacher mentions any of those poses during class, or even through a video at home. i am not as flexible as other yoga enthusiasts (due to injuries), but i'm strong, or can be, so anything that concerns challenges in strength is where i'm at. just remember to breathe. inhale to create space, exhale to go deeper.

what about you? what do you do to let go? what do you get excited about when it comes to physical challenges? what gets you motivated?

longings

my belly aches and my heart breaks from missing san francisco so much. i've been thinking a lot about decisions i've made, and whether or not they were the "right" decisions. my thoughts are spinning round and round... but, it's not like everything was easy up there either. after having lived in berkeley, i had this vision of living in a studio cottage with gardens surrounding it. it was completely possible, but circumstances hindered those possibilities. i feel like i also didn't give it enough of a chance, and this is where i can't seem to let go. i left too soon. the 'what-ifs' have been creeping in faster than fire spreading on dry brush. regardless, a lot happened in the one year i lived up there. even the "struggles" were worth it. i don't regret any of the things that happened, and in fact, no matter how hard things got, looking back, it was one of the experiences i felt alive. i didn't and don't disclose much about the things that happened, but it was probably where the real growth started. in any case, i would rather have gone through the struggles and cried and pried my way through than not having gone through them at all.

so now i'm back in la. basically, i came back because i missed it, but mostly because i had to choose between struggling, or having it the easy way. the easy way truly doesn't buy happiness, but at the same time, there's a relief in knowing you're taken care of and in good hands, except now, it feels too comfortable, and i'm uncomfortable with that. what is the term for someone who thrives on challenges and struggles vs. safety and comfort?

like i said, round and round...

"full size render"

my friend jane asked me if i had made bread yet in my newly-moved-into kitchen. i told her i had only made chocolate chip banana bread, to which she replied, "Choco chip banana bread…yum…”Mae Bakes”…”Baking with Mae”…”Mae I Bake With You?”…”Making Bread the Mae Way”…"Mae Kneads to Make Bread”…"

if i was a baker and had my own tv show or even podcast, i would take "mae i bake with you?" and "mae kneads to make bread"... oh, but what about "mae kneads to break bread"?! ah, i love it all, and i love her.

and so here's my first ever chocolate chip banana bread made from scratch. it was pretty delicious for a first try, and for using whole wheat flour, brown sugar, and of course my butter of choice, kerrygold. and i'll confess, i didn't actually use chocolate chips. when i last visited sf, a friend gifted me with five bars (or was it six?) of my favorite ghirardelli chocolates, one of which was the dark chocolate cabernet. i mean, what else was i gonna do with this much chocolate? yes, i shared most of the bars and kept two of the cabernets, but that was still too much chocolate for me. and if there were people that were going to be my guinea pigs, it would be my family, because they give me tough love and will tell me if this thang was gross or not. it was not. IT WAS NOT!!!

next on the menu is bread! i will probably need help from my friend noelle because she has made plenty of bread and other so-fucking-delicious thangs to put in my belly. i'm pretty excited because this would be my first try at bread as well. i remember my mom kneading bread in the kitchen and there would be flour ALL OVER THE DINING TABLE. that's where she used to knead the dough, and honestly, i kinda wanna break my kitchen in that way!

while we're on the subject of food, here is what my staple is usually like (when i'm not french kissing chocolate or making love to a burrito or an in n' out burger or what have you). i rarely cook meat when i cook for myself, and  i usually will pick a vegetable dish when eating out. the staple usually includes brussel sprouts, cauliflower, broccoli, asparagus, beans, spinach, kale, quinoa, rice, avocado... is it just me or is there anyone else out there that can eat guacamole like it's pudding? just me? ohh...

roasted brussel sprouts with quinoa and sunflower seeds on the left, roasted cauliflower with quinoa and capers on the right. both are seasoned with salt, pepper, lemon.

roasted brussel sprouts with quinoa and sunflower seeds on the left, roasted cauliflower with quinoa and capers on the right. both are seasoned with salt, pepper, lemon...

what about you? what is your staple mostly made of? and what do you enjoy cooking/baking/making?